Sexual text with real people
But the few psychologists who have explored asexuality concur: People who don’t want to have sex aren’t necessarily suffering from a disorder.
“It’s a concept that is so foreign to most people that they believe there must be some pathological explanation,” says Lori Brotto, a psychologist and associate professor of gynecology at the University of British Columbia.
A few months after that Friday at the outreach center, Genevieve realized she is more of an asexual than a gray-ace, and Sean now isn’t sure if he’s demi or ace.
“Every single asexual I’ve met embraces fluidity—I might be gray or asexual or demisexual,” says Claudia, a 24-year-old student from Las Vegas.
Some demis and gray-aces have occasional flare-ups of desire, some say they’re indifferent to sex, and others find the thought of it repellent. More from the WIRED Sex Issue: The Sex Talk You Never Had With Your Parents Japanese Sex Hotels Cater to All Kinds of Fetishes, Even Hello Kitty S&MVirtual-Reality Porn Is Coming, and Your Fantasies May Never Be the Same Some demisexuals say they have strong sexual urges that just don’t connect to anyone in particular.
“I want to have lots of crazy, kinky sex, just not anyone,” says Mike, a 27-year-old Canadian who works in a factory.
While the rest of the world was using the web to invent and gratify new pervy thrills, these people used it as a wormhole out of a relentlessly sexual culture.
They don’t necessarily describe fixed identities but serve more as beacons for people to locate each other online.
Their friend Genevieve, perched on the arm of the couch, smiles and rolls her eyes.
It looks like a standard collegiate prelude to a one-night stand.
“I’ve only ever been sexually attracted to three people in my whole life,” wrote one self-described demisexual, Olivia, a few years ago.
“My partner is sexually attracted to that many people during particularly sexy bus rides.”Beyond that, there’s a lot of variability. “It has no relationship to your actual desire to have sex with someone in real life,” she says.